How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
