Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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