dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
