ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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