He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All the doctor said was why
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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