Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
