4 words: hood of his car
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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