How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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