You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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