I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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