someone threw a dead crab at me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
