I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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