Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
