Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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