ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
