So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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