You're completely useless in the revolution.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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