six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The adults are the big ones right?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize