Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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