and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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