I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
