Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize