This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
