You just made me feel so damn special
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
