My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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