saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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