i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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