SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
