sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
