I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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