i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize