remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
