3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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