there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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