You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's Friday. Sex?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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