Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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