my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
