That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
