Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
