so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
