The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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