You made me cry and you don't even care
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
