wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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