you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
