So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
