You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
