forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
