I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
