life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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