my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
