I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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