Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
