super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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