I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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