I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
