I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
