and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
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btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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