I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
