Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
