Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
