is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
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You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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