This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
