you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
