omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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