the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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