I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
